Why do I avoid prayer?

The first contemplative exercise in The Spiritual Formation Workbook is this:  "Set aside five to ten minutes each day for prayer" (Smith and Graybeal 35).  My goal is to try each exercise for a week and afterwards, to reflect on the experience.

Day One:  I turned off the computer and the television, and set aside time for prayer before going to bed.  It was healing and peaceful, which made me wonder why, so often, I avoid prayer.

Perhaps it is related to the period in my life, a few years ago, when I was praying daily for revival.  My prayers were fervent.  I felt so strongly about the need for revival that, as I prayed, I would find myself rigid with tension, my teeth clenched and every muscle in my body taut.  I felt like I was doing battle, and it was enervating rather than exhilarating.

Naively, I thought that, if I prayed hard enough, maybe God would do something astonishing.  I really wanted to see, in my lifetime, another Great Revival like that of the 1720s or the Jesus Movement  of the 1970s.  I believed that, if I just prayed hard enough, I could make it happen.

A year or two later, the world seemed unchanged by my efforts.  I concluded that praying for revival was too much work, and gave it up as a waste of my time.  But was it really a waste of time?  What did I learn as a result of those prayers?

(Journal, Jan. 3, 2012)

Smith, James Bryan and Lynda Graybeal.  A Spiritual Formation Workbook:  Small-Group Resources for Nurturing Christian Growth.  New York:  HarperCollins, 1993.